Unvoiced Days and Learning...

Here we are.

Weekend's about beginning! Well, let's say it officially began!
Which means I'm back home (in my hometown) and I'm off from school for at least Sat and Sunday. But it also means I won't be seeing my lovely girls! =(
I always can't wait for Monday to see them again... but that's too early to talk about it now, lets first enjoy (or at least let's try to!) the w/e.

One more day with no voice. Yesterday I was totally voiceless and I took my time to learn to speak with signs and I used a board (courtesy of Stephy... errrrrr, I mean...of her brother!!!) to communicate with others. I found it great somehow, voice in not always needed if others can get wat you mean by just trying to guess, trying to get in "touch" with your mind.
Amazingly in 3 days I learned I can be quiet, tho it's very hard and it stresses me at times, I learned I can enjoy my silence and enjoy others' voices.
I even learned that at times I talk tooooooo much and that may be a little bit tiring for people. As I said I'm talktive, we all know that, but a little bit of self-control may won't hurt, although then I ask myself... better when I was quiet and being kind of on a "off-mode" or better now that I'm totally back on track? I guess the right way is in the middle... but that's what I learned: I don't like being in the middle, I don't like grey shades... I like black or white! I like a not too dark black and a little bit of dirty white... but no grey for me. I'm all or nothing. I'm in or out. I'm talktive or totally quiet.
I totally admire people who can be and are able to be in the middle, they're conscious, they're smart, they're witty, they're intelligent, and they're wise. I suppose I'm just smart enough to follow my instinct. Neither of the two ways may be wrong! I like to think it's just a different way of approcching life and the nicest thing of this all is that eventually both ways lead to the same path, maybe just with different time, roads, and methods, but trust me, you can get wherever you want in any case.

I think I gained some patient as well. That never hurts. Although I know, I mean, I'm sure it won't last!!!!!!!!

I even had the chance to see Steph bringing some pure Sunlight into the day! She almost sounded like me, making such "noise" with all of her words, having ideas, playing it fool for me, to make me smile, trying her best to understand what I wanted to say with no voice, keeping me up in any way she could! I totally appreciated that! She took care of me once again! I was very happy with it, I was kinda surprised as well! Wow! But I totally love that about her! Amazing one, you are!

I also took my "silent time" to create something good as in writing lyrics and totally get inspired. It worked perfectly fine! I'm pretty proud of things I've written in the last 3 days... I think I'm just gettin to another level of creating (not being cocky!), as in I love more and more the way things, ideas come into my way, the way I feel that magic "poke" touching my soul, lighting up and opening up my mind and letting my hand just flow over the blank page filling it with black ink. I love this all!
I love the whole process of creating, putting together, feeling that vibe... works perfectly for me!
And I was really hoping I could get some "collective creative time" with my friends today, but actually my voice ruined it all! I'm sure we gonna get another chance, but I'm just looking forward to it! I'm willing to feel that process and that vibe filling me up while I'm just there working with people I love.
I wish I had a chance to make it in a professional way... When I hear about bands being in studio working on a album, I only wish I had the same chance and opportunity. I dream away thinking one day I will.... cuz, as I said, I totally love the whole "way to art": the climb, the birth of the idea, the making-up, the falling in love with what you're doing and what's coming up from the whole process, the final part of seeing the final product, the other side of the hill where you can finally rest and enjoy what you did thinking: "oh wow, look what I've done... I want to do some more now!". It gets addictive! You can't stop... That's art... That's creating... That's Music... What would I do without it? I got no idea... I'm just happy I can have it in my life, for me and for me to share it with others.

Well... I think after all... 3 days with no voice had their risults: much wise-thinking, much learning about myself and way of doing/seeing things, much learning bout others, much thinking bout how thankfull I am for what I have, much creativity...
Feels good, doesn't it? I think so!

But hey, still, I need that voice back to make "one more step" into the whole creating process!!!

Thanks God for what I have, what I learn daily, the wonderfull people around me and the great friends I have. Thanks for that big gift You gave us, Music!

God bless you all!

Love,

Mary
xXx

Ps. See? Music just puts colors to what I do...comes natural!!!