Decisions

It's late over here and I'm not gonna put up a whole philosophical topic...my brain cannot handle it, but I was just thinking randomly about things when this image came into my mind and I had to find it on the Net... and that's how I started thiking over "decisions".



Our life's made up of decisions. Which way to go? Left or Right? I don't know... the question may sounds so hard and the answer may seem even harder, but you know... I was just sitting here looking at the empty space thinking bout how many stupid decisions I need to take in the next few weeks; well they may not be stupid, because some of them are connected with my future, my university's career or my private life, and, yeah, they may not be stupid... but maybe they're not as important as I think they are.
You probably think I'm going crazy! I may be, but I'm sure of what I'm saying and I can prove you I'm right...somehow!



"Decision: a choice or judgment that you make after a period of discussion or thought" that's what a decision is according to Longman Dictionary. That is right I suppose, but the point is... do we really need to take that time to make a decision? to make the right decision? I'm not sure! All we do is wondering, thinking, asking for others' opinion, looking for answers, torturing ourselves, killing ourselves...do we really have to do the all of this to take a decision? and that decision is really that important then?

I think that all you need to do is just... go with the flow! Nothing's that hard about that. If we take a decision by following our instinct it will be the decision we really feel, we really want to take, it will be the first one we feel to say "yes" to that comes into our mind. A snap decision can make the difference.
Right or wrong... that's up to us, it doesn't really matter and it's not something we can define when we're thinking about our decision: rights and wrongs come just afterwards, as consequences maybe, but eventually what is labelled as a consequence can be however good. It depends on how we decide to think of it. I personally think that whatever will be a consequence of my decision I won't regret it! I mean, it's my own decision and even if it'll come out to be a wrong one, it won't really matter because it is anyway what I was feeling to do! And have the freedom to decide and do whatever we like, it's the greatest thing we can all have, despite all of those social conventions and fears of being judged!

Talking bout me personally... I used to think waaaaaay to much, but once you learn to follow whatever comes to your heart and mind, everything starts to feel easier, no matterwhat comes next!
And in the last few days I got these funny feelings coming up, and for a moment I got a little bit hysteric... but then I told myself, "hey, don't panic!" and I raelised I needed to sit back, wait, and take my decisions by going with the flow... I'm sure it'll work out perfectly and I'll simply be happy with whatever may come, because whaetever may come will be however what I let into my way. Let's be happy with this all.

Feeling, not thinking... that's The Key!

Goodnight y'all!

Mary,
xXx

Outside... On The Balcony

That's not Romeo&Juliet!

It's just my flat's balcony and it was just me... and my roommate.
After dinner I had this moment... I was a little bit thoughtful and I was seeking some freedom. I opened the window and the air was smelling like spring, it was nice, not too cold, a nice breeze was blowing and the night's sky is always a nice view to enjoy.

This window leads on this balcony, which officially doesn't belong to what we pay for, lol, but you know... climbing over the window to get in this balcony it's easy and with spring here, it's quite hard to resist! So I simply climbed over the window and stepped outside.

That breeze touched my hair and the trees and flowers smell caressed my nose, the sky above was very dark, and the city lights were fireflies flying steady in front of me. I just needed to enjoy the moment, to enjoy this night and enjoy the silence, but someone was there: my roommate, Sabrina. She was inside, doing the dishes and she saw me... she couldn't help it but joining me!

I think she did the best thing ever! We spent some time just talking about what we could see, talking about relaxing, talking bout ourselves, about exploring things in life, talking bout the beautiful world we live in, things we have and things making us feel good.

A half hour talking about nothing and everything, just leaning on the balcony, just looking up, and down and around can make it all... we both felt chilled and fine, and closer than before as well.

The breeze was getting colder and we needed to go back inside... but we will do this all once again.. somehow I cant express the feeling you get from just observing a sleeping city and travelling with your mind........ But all I can say is that everyone should do it, at least once, to get that feeling of freedom and peace we all need!

Love,

Mary
xXx

"Jonny from Scotland"

Yesterday I had a more important blog to post, and little time to post other things... so I thought today I needed to get some things done... and for example had to write down this story.

I met a guy...a guy from Scotland...but let me take you back to the start! It all began few weeks ago...
First of all, on Mondays, when I'm at uni, having classes, I have a lunch break at 1, and me and my friends always go to the same place to buy something to eat and then we go somewhere finding a place to sit and then just eat, have a chat or whatever. Few weeks ago I was in this fast food shop and we were waiting to order a slice of pizza and this guy just came close to where we were to order some food as well.
I noticed he didn't look italian at all, but more like a British guy or whatever. Me and my dearest friend, Steph, both thought he probably was from the UK, and we observed him while he was standing there and ordering a pizza..and he did in a funny italian accent which made him sound lovely and veeeeeeeeery sweet and I was really like *_* "oh my god, he's sooo sweet."

The monday after I saw him again, and the one after again, and so on for a couple of weekd, and you know, everytime he was just in the street going to that fast food shop. I had never met him like face to face or side by side tho!

But then something happened...Yesterday we had an extra free hour for lunch cuz teacher was missing, so we went buying a present for another friend of mine and after that it was just 1pm, so we were like, "ok, lets wait for Chiara and Serena to meet us here and then we all get in getting some food".
My girls arrived and we got in the shop, bought things and then got out. We were on the sidewalk, ready to cross the street when I saw this guy again, coming up our way. So I was like "oh my god, I missed him today in the shop once again! He's so cute!" and my friends started pushing me, telling me like, "hey, just go and meet him, you're eyes are shiny! just go and find a way to hook him up!" and all of those things a group of girls would say!
I said I was not sure and all, I mean, I was divided in two: "go or not go? he's nice and I want to meet him-it's just strange to go and meet someone like that!"; these were the things crossing my mind, because of course it was pretty weird to just go to a guy and say, hey, how you doing? I'm Mary!
But eventually they really pushed me and so I got back in the shop, pretending I had to buy something else, and he was there!

I had my heart beating faster, I was getting a little bit shy and nervous! So I stood there, looking in his direction and then he came closer, trying to get in the cash line, so he could pay and go away, but I was very close to that one, so he thought I had to pay, but I was simply waiting (hihihi) and I looked at him from time to time and probably he felt that and looked back when I put my eyes down... I felt bit shy, and I really couldn't figure out what to do, for a moment I felt quite stupid and wished for my friends to be there to back me up, and I was about just ging out and give up about all! I mean, he was a stranger, a complete stranger! I saw him four times maybe while he was just walking in the street, so what was going on maybe had no sense at all, but eventually I thought "hey, here's a chance, who cares what's gonna happen? Say Yes and go!"...and surprise...we got side to side!
I was cold sweating *lol*
...somehow we looked into each other eyes and we both wanted to say something, like I wanted to tell him he could go first and he wanted to ask me if I had to pay... but we both couldn't speak, then we smiled, had a little giggle, out of nothing, and he told me something in Italian, but I couldn't really understand what he said, so I simply told him, "please, go" and then simply asked him "where you from?" and he replied he was from Scotland, I said "oh wow!", I think I looked pretty amazed and so I took my chance to ask him a couple of questions like his age and what he is doing here in Italy. He answered, smile, told me something bout my english and making comments 'bout his italian, he made a joke, I made a joke and said I could help him out with Italian if he helped me with my English, and all we did was giggling! Then before he left we introduced each other and his name's Jonny... when he shook my hand I felt something!

it was soooooooo weird!!!!

I mean, I've seen him maybe four times including yesterday? And I talked to him just yesterday for the first time for like 2 minutes.

Before leaving he said: "well, I guess I'll see you around soon, bye" ...and left!
My friends saw him going out the shop and I was still inside and one of them after 5 minutes came in to see if I was ok! lol They thought I fainted or smth! I got out the shop like all blushed, shy, but really like...wow! I was super excited and happy!

What I felt was just a funny feeling, nothing more, but it's always nice to meet someone. and it was even nicer to see how that happened! His grey-blue eyes were so nice, and he had a witty look.
Of course nothing's expected to happen and I'm sure nothing will happen! That's reality, that's real talk and this is not a movie.
The only thing I'm wondering is... will I ever see him again?

But the good thing of being so spontaneous and opened the way I am, is that I prefer to wait for a "the moment" to see what happens then and in the meantime all I can think is: no matter if I'll ever meet him again, he was a real short season in my life, on my path. And I won't forget however his eyes, his voice, the way he shook my hand. 5 minutes are nothing, but 5 minutes can make it all... or once again nothing!...and all that will be left will be this post named after him! ;)

Goodnight y'all

Love,

Mary
xXx

A "Yes Girl"

Here's one dedicated straight to someone I really care about, Steph.

Well, it's pretty hard to write a kind of open letter, even cuz this is not exactly and "open letter", it's just a something I want to say, something I want to share with my "twin sister"

A "Yes Girl"... I've been thinking about it... And thought that being a "yes person" can be one of the most precious things we can have and do.
But what does that mean? What's the mening of being a "yes girl"? I learned it means to say "Yes!" to whatever comes up our way, to every chance you get, without thinking too much, to take in, accept, welcome every little thing! You may get the chance to learn karate...just say Yes! and do it; you may find on your way a Chinese language course... just say Yes! and do it; you may have the chance to talk or help someone... just say Yes! and do it!
It does not mean to do things in a silly way, it doesn't mean to do dangerous things, it simply means to not be greedy, not being afraid, to be opened to whatever Life offers, and I know Life can give us alot, many gift and precious things, little things, each day!

So why wasting our time thinking about what to do or about what not to do? Let's go with the flow, let's live it now, let's live for the moment... It's never too late to start dealing with this "Yes system".
I learned and started few months ago, I had a kind of "trial period", and I realised that it was a good way to live life in a different way from what I used to do and it brought me to another level, to another way of enjoying life. Now I'm more chilled, I live better and I simply can smile and laugh twice more than before!!!

If you decided to start with some "yes", then it means you may get closer to this new lifestyle as well, who knows...? And I don't know if you are or not, but for sure, I think you're making a little step in this direction, even if you don't know it yet prbably! And if you are, then... well, I can assure you won't regret it. Let yourself go, let your haird down, do not think too much, don't think... just feel. Start feeling, and when you start feeling, every feeling will simple be the purest one you can touch with your heart, it'll feel spontaneous, new, honest. It'll come easy and you won't have to change your self being, because that's what you have already inside, just by applying a "yes style", you may simply find out it can shine more and more and be shown more and more to all of the others who still can't see that. And all you have to do is... "say yes!"

You won't regret things if you firmly believe that a yes won't hurt. Consequences... yeah, that's what we always think about, but you know what? Consequences will come both if you say no or yes, so what's the point in that? Why living by saying no, by not willing to live as brave, when eventually things may lead to two different, yes, but still maybe hard way? That's in the worst case I suppose... because at least then, if you say Yes!, you can say you enjoyed the ride and had a laugh! ;) I'm sure...

So... I'm not someone who can teach to someone else how to live, but I only try to speak through my expericence and through love and sensitivity, and sharing this pearl I found out myself, was something I felt to do after you told me you were starting off "accepting songs coming up on your MP3 player shuffle playing". This concept perfectly fits in here...accepting without getting hurt.

So what you waiting for?

I love you,

Cip
xXx


Ps. Sorry if I couldn't really express what I wanted to say... I hope you don't take anything wrong...!
Ps2. And then... I'm not the only one claiming that saying YES could bring to good and pleasant things... *whistles* hihihihihi

A Big Surprise

And today it was a very busy and long day... lotta working and studying! All day long actually...
I don't like Saturdays like this, but eventually I had a real nice moment, because I had a great surprise!

I was in my room, with some music on and I was just studying and getting cranky about some Arabic translation, when suddenly I heard a knock on my door; usually my dad does that before coming in and I simply didn't pay much attention, but then once again a knock on the door, so I simply stretched out my arm and lazily opened the door, and when I looked up... I saw there was a guy standing there: my friend, Alberto!

Alberto, who is like a big brother to me, has spent 10 months in Australia! He got finally back!!! Oh my God! I was totally surprised and I couldn't believe it! He was just there standing, leaning on the side of the door, with his sunglasses on, looking at me! The only thing I did was just looking at him for 5 seconds, then I opened my mouth and the only thing I said was "no, that's not possible!", then I closed again the door *lmao* and after 5 seconds I opened it again and looked at him like he was a ghost!

Oh my, I looked quiet stupid, *lol*, but that was funny!
Then my brain finally reacted and I stood up to hug him... and, guys, wow, such a refound and stronger hug! Me and him got closer and closer in the last year, altho he has been knowing me since I was maybe 6 or 7! He's my brother's friend and I grew up with him, but now we got closer and our hug was stronger than ever! We stayed in that hug for a minute or two and I got crying in his arms! It was raelly emotional and I was simply very happy to see him and see he was back and was there to say hello to me and my family! It was lovely!

I couldn't believe it and I couldn't even believe I got crying over the all situation.

Then of course he started telling 'bout his time there, his experiences, and he made see once again how important is just to travel and to throw yourself into situations: when he left he was sad (he had lost his job and had probs with a girl), very negative about everything and he just felt like he didn't know where to go or what to do, kind of lost and then he just put himself into the situation, trying to just see what it could bring. Well, he's totally changed! He sees things differently, he sees that after all that bad moment was just a moment which was not that bad and now he can say he's happy with everything and that he's raedy to face problems and everything else better. It's incredible how travelling can make you feel different, how just having a little bit of faith can help and give a new chance to everything.

I was very happy and he me feel even more how much I just wanna live and go away from here!

It's been a real nice moment... I must admit the weekend started off nicely... or better, I can say my weekend is not great but had some nice moments: yesterday I finally received those envelopes I was waiting for and that put a smile on my face for at least a full hour! And then just the idea of checking everything out for London... wow! I had a doubting moment and a moment of thinking "oh God, what shall we do?", but then I just thought like, "hey! I mean, we're leaving anyway, so who cares??? Let's just be happy and enjoy this mess coming from the setting-up-the-trip-moment and let's get ready to enjoy then the real vacation!", that gives me the ready mood and the right adrenaline to work things out!
Then of course today I got this nice surprise... so... yeah, nice!

And just wating for other things to come...few days ago a friend of mine, a cool friend of mine, Rohan, told me "the word News comes from North, East, West and South". Well, it's perfectly true!!! All you have to do is just stand on the top of the hill and wait for the wind to blow, bringing you that news and then just get ready to catch it!

Good things will always come our way, and we may appreciate them just after catching some bad things as well...

Have a good Saturday everyone,

Love,

Mary
xXx

Tickets to London? Yes, thanks..., Fender or Les Paul? I'll take a Gibson!

At times what looks like a bad day turns into a good, nice one!

It’s been a long one, for sure, but with the right people next to me it was easier and nicer. I had a good time eventually... We are a real nice group of people... shame that in the last two days Chris was not there, she’s sick and I really hope she’ll be fine again as soon as possible (get well soon, lovely girl!!!) .

Somehow it was a positive day! Me and my great friend, Steph, tried to work out and figure out what to do ‘bout our summer in London: it’s very hard for us to find a job over there from here, and we don’t feel like just leaving, get to The City and try to look for a job, we know it wouldn’t be that good and such of a great idea, but then, what shall we do? I got no idea really. But however, we’re still trying to make the right moves and try to find the best way to work everything out, eventually what we really want is just a good looooong vacation in London, but we can’t have it that long... so I suppose we’ll have to be happy with 10 days or so, which is not that bad! We’re a great team and last year in a week we totally turned London inside out and had lotta fun, so it won’t be that hard for us to do it again and I’m sure it’ll be even better because we know each other even better, we’re even closer, we love each other more and we’re simply on the same level on everything! So if last year was amazing, this year is gonna be on top! I’m soooooooooooo sure of that!!!!!!!!

So I simply can’t wait for that! And we’re doing our best to try to save some money over the flight so we can stay there as long as possible! So this afternoon we went to a travel agency to just “have a check” bout flights and so on before taking a look on the Net on our own, and we found some interesting things I believe...so.... yeah, I’m feeling more and more that we gonna go to London and I’m getting thrilled!!!!

Of course still a little bit thoughtful and all ‘bout having a job there which would make it easier and would be something extra to stay in England longer, but hey, I know we can be perfectly happy like this as well!!!

Martin & Lopez on a mission and we gonna achieve it successfully! Damn right!!!!! You can count on that!!! ;)

After that we even went to a guitars’ shop... oh my God! Gibson, Fenders, Les Paul... basses, acoustic guitars, electric guitar, there was anything in there and it was simply great to see all of that! Oh my, I could get lost in there... I loved it!!! We were amazed! Lovely, lovely!!!

Yeah... a real nice day that pictured me things to do and gave me a clearer view on certain things! And now just need to work everything out...happily!

...Nothing’s better than friends, once again! I’ll never get tired of saying, guys!!! Believe me! ;)

Love,
Mary
xXx

Confused... but hey, live it up!

Do you ever get the feeling of just being confused?I do…When you think that finally everything’s going the right way around you and around people you love, then here comes a big grey cloud… It’s something that happens “suddenly”, out of nothing, you can’t see it coming and you can’t control it, you may feel it, but you cannot help it: you gotta stand there and watch it, and just after you realised what it is ‘bout, then you can try to take action.

That’s life, I mean, it happens very often, and you wonder why… I guess it’s just a way to make us stronger and put us into challenge. Being competitive it’s a way to improve yourself, to push yourself to the limit, but the real point is: how much can you dare? How much you want to be pushed to the limit? That’s what makes the difference. That’s what makes you a winner or a loser, and by loser I simply mean someone who’s not willing to try hard enough to get what he want. Can you handle a challenge, a competition? Life’s all about that, even when you don’t know it. If something difficult is coming up your way, then don’t be scared, get ready, warm up and get on that fucking boxing ring and fight. We always need to fight to get what we want, to change a status, to change our life, our mood, our position, our condition, are you strong enough to do that? Are you tough enough to handle it? everyone can change things, but just a few are brave enough to do it, and I’m sure everyone of us wants to be among those few, because it may be a steep rise, but it’ll bring you to a sense of satisfaction and it’ll make you feel proud of yourself... All you have to do is try, why don’t you? Just for once, or twice, it’s just very important to try. Let your hair down and see what happens, the best thing is you won’t regret it.
Is this the right mood and the right way to face that big cloud coming up? I think so... or at least is one of the million ways you can possibly do that.


The real, I mean, my own real confused status comes when somehow we bring that cloud ourselves. When we want that cloud to be there cuz we need it. Everyone knows life is not easy, why shall we make it even harder? There’s no point in that I suppose, that’s what we should try to understand and learn and avoid. I get confused if I see that suddenly I’m seeking something that there’s no need to get desperate over, isn’t that my fault? Yes, it is. But what gets me even more confused is the fact that then at times I don’t even want to try to just move that cloud away. Altho I do believe that there can always be a fresh wind coming up my way to blow that cloud away and if we listen, or better, feel carefully, then we’ll find out there’s more than just some fresh air, much more that can help us take that cloud away and bring back the sun. Just feel then and just try to see the sunny side of life... that’s the best side, the side where you can have fun even when you don’t have all you want or need!

But hey, here comes a new day! It’s 7.55AM and that’s a new beginning and I’m sure we’re all willing to have a real good day, full of laughs and happiness... or at least with no bad things in it! So let’s work it out, let’s not be lazy and let’s not be sad... why shall we? C’mon! Let’s enjoy life!
Just put yourself in new situations, in what you don’t know, in what you know, alone, by yourself, with others, just try it, give it a shot, who cares eventually what’s gonna come out? If it’s good, then it’s perfectly fine, if it’s not, then okay, it was an experience!

Have a good y’all!

Love,
Mary
xXx

Sleepy, Bored, and I'm Waiting...

Here I go for a short blog...

I'm pretty sleepy today... and I'm even bored! Being in a room spending time to listen to some boring and useless stuff didn't make it easier and I got even sleepier and lazy...
So here I am now trying to study and translate some school things, but all I can do is...is...nothing basically!

So I took some cookies trying to get some energy, I'm still biting on this lovely choco cookie, but somehow I still don't feel that energy coming... I'll take another one *lol*
It's amazing to see how bored I can get when I perfectly know I have one hundred things to do... so I'll better put my ass into it and work now!

*slaps her own face to wake up*

errr.... Yes, I'm still here... Just thinking... Thinking 'bout what? Thinking bout waiting! It's been like a week that I've been in a "waiting mode" all the time!
Waiting to get better, waiting for my voice to be back, waiting for mail, waiting for things I bought on the Net, waiting for an answer about going to the UK to work there, waiting..............
Thats it. Waiting.
Waiting it's not always bad! It can be a good way to get some pure energy and adrenaline ready to explode when finally a certain moment or thing has arrived, it means to be happier when you finally meet or see someone after long time, it means to take care of your hopes and let all the sorrows out when you finally discover your praying was for good.
On the other side, waiting means to get stressed cuz you're waiting for that fucking answer you want that bad, to put in "stand-by" a whole project cuz there's a missing piece, to just sit and wait till they call your name out, to wait for someone to talk to you cuz you're willing to be there to listen, you're eager to.

Two sides two every story...

And here lays my current mood as well... waiting....today's "waiting-list".... I'm waiting for that mail to get at my house, but looks like it's not and it's killing me; I'm waiting for that answer along with Steph, I'm waiting to get some good energy to start working; I'm waiting to know what to do about this summer; I'm waiting to start off a couple of projects running around my mind... Waiting...: stresses me and enjoys me, puts adrenaline in me, puts me down.

What can I do? nothing... the correct answer I'd give myself by looking in the mirror is...:

Wait!!!



Love,

xXx
Mary

The Importance of Being Idle...

Sunday Evening. I don't like the feeling I get from it... the week's coming up and I already get to think 'bout what I'll have to do, university, teachers, studying, and so on.

Isn't that boring? I think it is for everyone, or at least I know a lot of people who don't like Sundays cuz they already get bothered bout the upcoming week. Well, that's the way it is, we can't help it! The only thing we can do is trying to enjoy the weekend as much as we can, which doesn't mean actually to just go out clubbing or celebrating or anything like that, "enjoying" can simply mean "relax". Resting after a whole week of work is good!

Resting may mean just being home and taking care of our hobbies or maybe means going out for a walk or drive somewhere and have a chat with a friend, or spend some time with people we know.


Usually I spend my weekends just by being home, studying, resting. Tho studying doesn't help resting at all! It usually stresses me and makes me go cranky. BUT I have to do it... it's my "job" somehow and I have to stick to the habit.

But at times it's reall impossible to just stick to this habit. That's what happened this weekend.


After being sick I just had enough of everything and I wanted to rest for real... so on Saturday I thought, "okay, I'm not gonna study today... I'll just be quiet, listen to music and write". It perfectly worked out and I spent Saturday doing nothing! In the evening I went out for dinner and got back home, had some late time online with my friend and then simply went to bed (it was 3AM, darn Internet!!! lol).
Now this morning I thought, "okay, I'll study this afternoon", but things ended up differently than I planned! I woke up and I realised my voice was better, but still I was feeling very lazy!
End of the story... I didn't do anything...at all!!!

What did I realise? Well.......... I understood how important is to be just idle!
...or at least from time to time! Yesterday I spent some time just lying on my bed, legs up against the wall, watching the ceiling, with music playing at a very high volume: me, my thought, my silent singing (no voice to sing out loud!) and some good music, while texting my girl, Steph.
I was totally relaxing, enjoying time, feeling good as in not caring and not worrying for at least half hour! Wow... how nice is that? We should all doin' it! Being idle, lazy, doesn't mean I'm someone who doesn't want to work or do anything or that I just want to avoid doing what I have to do, it just means... well, it mean that I need some good time for myself throwing out all that stress and negative thoughts or stress putting pressure on me!
It feels lovely!!! And for the first time ever I was like... "oh wow, that's good!"

Today I didnt do anything, I didnt even relax or anything, I was totally lazy...that got me bored on a moment... but you know, if you just really make some time to relax, then you won't get bored, I can assure you you'll just feel way better than usual!
So people... just lay on your bed, put some music on and do not think about anything worrying you or giving you the blues; or lean on your room's window, breathe some fresh air, look at the landscape, the city spreading in front of you, the sky, let the wind in, among your air and let your favourite song out; cuddle up on the couch, write, draw, paint, whatever, take your time; go out, go skating, go walking, go biking, go for a stroll and sit in the park, on a bench, taking pictures of what you see, watch people passing by, put your mp3 on and try to give to the music you're listening to, a "video", a story starring people, strangers walking by you................

That's freedom, that's being relaxed, that's enjoying life, that's feeling good in a natural and simple and easy way, with no need of too big things coming up our way or too many "fun things" to do!
....or that's what I believe!

I wish everyone a good week....

Take care

Mary,
xXx

Unvoiced Days and Learning...

Here we are.

Weekend's about beginning! Well, let's say it officially began!
Which means I'm back home (in my hometown) and I'm off from school for at least Sat and Sunday. But it also means I won't be seeing my lovely girls! =(
I always can't wait for Monday to see them again... but that's too early to talk about it now, lets first enjoy (or at least let's try to!) the w/e.

One more day with no voice. Yesterday I was totally voiceless and I took my time to learn to speak with signs and I used a board (courtesy of Stephy... errrrrr, I mean...of her brother!!!) to communicate with others. I found it great somehow, voice in not always needed if others can get wat you mean by just trying to guess, trying to get in "touch" with your mind.
Amazingly in 3 days I learned I can be quiet, tho it's very hard and it stresses me at times, I learned I can enjoy my silence and enjoy others' voices.
I even learned that at times I talk tooooooo much and that may be a little bit tiring for people. As I said I'm talktive, we all know that, but a little bit of self-control may won't hurt, although then I ask myself... better when I was quiet and being kind of on a "off-mode" or better now that I'm totally back on track? I guess the right way is in the middle... but that's what I learned: I don't like being in the middle, I don't like grey shades... I like black or white! I like a not too dark black and a little bit of dirty white... but no grey for me. I'm all or nothing. I'm in or out. I'm talktive or totally quiet.
I totally admire people who can be and are able to be in the middle, they're conscious, they're smart, they're witty, they're intelligent, and they're wise. I suppose I'm just smart enough to follow my instinct. Neither of the two ways may be wrong! I like to think it's just a different way of approcching life and the nicest thing of this all is that eventually both ways lead to the same path, maybe just with different time, roads, and methods, but trust me, you can get wherever you want in any case.

I think I gained some patient as well. That never hurts. Although I know, I mean, I'm sure it won't last!!!!!!!!

I even had the chance to see Steph bringing some pure Sunlight into the day! She almost sounded like me, making such "noise" with all of her words, having ideas, playing it fool for me, to make me smile, trying her best to understand what I wanted to say with no voice, keeping me up in any way she could! I totally appreciated that! She took care of me once again! I was very happy with it, I was kinda surprised as well! Wow! But I totally love that about her! Amazing one, you are!

I also took my "silent time" to create something good as in writing lyrics and totally get inspired. It worked perfectly fine! I'm pretty proud of things I've written in the last 3 days... I think I'm just gettin to another level of creating (not being cocky!), as in I love more and more the way things, ideas come into my way, the way I feel that magic "poke" touching my soul, lighting up and opening up my mind and letting my hand just flow over the blank page filling it with black ink. I love this all!
I love the whole process of creating, putting together, feeling that vibe... works perfectly for me!
And I was really hoping I could get some "collective creative time" with my friends today, but actually my voice ruined it all! I'm sure we gonna get another chance, but I'm just looking forward to it! I'm willing to feel that process and that vibe filling me up while I'm just there working with people I love.
I wish I had a chance to make it in a professional way... When I hear about bands being in studio working on a album, I only wish I had the same chance and opportunity. I dream away thinking one day I will.... cuz, as I said, I totally love the whole "way to art": the climb, the birth of the idea, the making-up, the falling in love with what you're doing and what's coming up from the whole process, the final part of seeing the final product, the other side of the hill where you can finally rest and enjoy what you did thinking: "oh wow, look what I've done... I want to do some more now!". It gets addictive! You can't stop... That's art... That's creating... That's Music... What would I do without it? I got no idea... I'm just happy I can have it in my life, for me and for me to share it with others.

Well... I think after all... 3 days with no voice had their risults: much wise-thinking, much learning about myself and way of doing/seeing things, much learning bout others, much thinking bout how thankfull I am for what I have, much creativity...
Feels good, doesn't it? I think so!

But hey, still, I need that voice back to make "one more step" into the whole creating process!!!

Thanks God for what I have, what I learn daily, the wonderfull people around me and the great friends I have. Thanks for that big gift You gave us, Music!

God bless you all!

Love,

Mary
xXx

Ps. See? Music just puts colors to what I do...comes natural!!!

Unvoiced Day

Well, here I am... looks like the only way to express myself today is writing, I'm totally hoarse in fact.

I got no voice left and all I can do is whispering! I'm usually very talktive and I'm a kind of chatbox, I cant be just quiet for a second or a minute and you can all imagine how it's killing me now!

But it was just one more day to learn something....to learn I can't keep my mouth shout. ut even learned that at times just being still in silence can help thinking and mostly creating, it was a real creative day indeed!

I wrote alot, I took my time to think bout my "artistic projects" and just tried to enjoy the silence tho it was not easy.

I love communicating, and when I can't do that, I just get cranky and I feel something's missing in being in contacts with others, tho actually using body language can make it all and can improve the situation! Signs are more talktive than words at times!...

Sooo...maybe all I have to do is trying to imagine this experience is improving my sign language and improving my body language! I don't think tomorrow I'll get my voice back... so let's stick to the plan and let's just see it this way hoping it'll be a good purpose to go through the day!

Love,

Mary

Words warming up the Heart... My Heart

(this would be a waygreater tattoo compared to Hello Kitty one, lol)

We always try to look for something "far", for something we want to hear, and in our mind we almost "plan" about when we want to hear it. We all know what that is, and we really want it, but my question is... what we want to hear, is it really what we need to hear?

I don't think so! And that's what you find out when you get "unexpected" words, lines, conversations coming up your way.

Everyone of us has a precise idea of oneself, but does that meet up what others think of us? When it does, or when what others think is more than we expect, that's the moment when we should realise our real self has met reality AND/OR that someone can see right through us and can read the way we are in depth, in that part we may try to hide or to show cuz that makes us feel better.

It happened to me...

For a long time I've shown just a part of my true self, the part I thought was better tho show because of people around me or situations, then for another long time I've just kept running from myself and eventually, after a harsh climb I just got to a point where I learned to trust and accept the whole of my being and I've started showing, finally, my WHOLE self. It turned out to be that greatest thing ever and the thing making me feel at my best, I was not (and I'm not still) afraid of shining, or of showing what I'm feeling on a day or on another. Shining... that's what I learned. No matter who you are, no matter how you feel, how you look like, how you react, how you talk, which family you belong, which place you come from, everyone of us can shine and has the right to shine, and gotta shine with no fear! If we get into this habit, into this routine of smiling, which is actually the first step to a "shiner" us, then it will get easier and easier, nicer and nicer.
My experience taught me that its nor hard once you start it off with using a right key and even taught me that others perfectly feel and see that we have a light all around us and that our true self is coming out. They feel the change and they help us to see the change.

This all "intro" (lol sorry, I know I can be sooo boring with loooong speeches!!!) leads me to the point of this blog: when you're able to expose yourself, even for a little time, and maybe with just a person or two, then you can get the best ever when is unexpected and unexpected things are the best things ever.
Lately I've experienced some of the greatest moments and feelings of the last few years, moments and feelings which are sincere, real, true, with unconditional affection and unplanned paths to walk on.

Last night a friend of mine, THE friend of mine, who you all know now as Steph, warmed up my heart (like she's doing more and more often lately) with maybe one of the silliest (at least from an outer view) things ever.
Out of a game, a joke, she spoke the truth, and her truth hit me straight up in the face with something I couldn't expect. She said, somehow, that I can be able to bring "light and warmth in the most grey and cold lives".

Is that for real? Do I?! Such of a simple line shaking up everything in me and warming my heart up (little note: I'm not the only one who can then bring some light and warmth then, huh? ;) you know what I'm saying) opened up my eyes making me think that being myself, showing my sunny side is what shakes people, what helps (maybe) people, what people like bout me, way better than my dark side. Is it? Somehow I guess it is.
A good discovery for myself, but the best and warmest words coming from such an important person.

Pure happiness and positive feelings. That's all I want to let in my life right now and if what I'm getting, goes back to others, then it's even better because it means it has a great power and a good meaning and especially means that this people are close enough to see it, to see me all.

All of this blog may sound like an "ego trip", looks like I'm speaking about myself all the time, thats not the aim, what I'm saying is... once again thanks, thanks for all I'm finding out, thanks to Steph for being that close to me and thanks for being such an amazing "sister" walking side by side with me along this loooooooong path of life, which suddenly feels fun to run.
I never thought I could find this all.

Words, simple words, little actions, that what warms up days and lives. There' s no need to make a great deed to achieve a great result or to touch somebody's heart. It all lies within the less important (apparently) things. What we want can be blown up by a fresh wind and can be replaced by what our inner self, our heart or soul needs, without us even knowing it!

She caught me by surprise and she gave me a beautiful gift. She showed me I changed and learned something, for real.

But in return, I feel I want to give her something as well, she knows it already, cuz I alraedy told her, but I'll make it once again clear and official... a little truth: you can light up people's lives as well. Different ways, different methods, different light, but you do give light.
And even with just your smile you can make others smile, can make others love the wonderful one you are.
Moon & Sun... perfectly describing it once again.
So... all I'm telling you is...:

"Don't be afraid of shining and keep shining on" ...cuz you know you can! (I mean... you're doing it!!!)

...And let's take it off together to new adventures!!!

"Here comes The Sun... do do do do" ;)

Thanks for everything!

Love,

CipCharlie (hihihihihihihihihihi)

Meeting nice people...

And today, even if I spent my day just being in bed, I can say it was a positive day.



When you're ill looks like time goes slow and looks like you cannot do anything but lying there watching tv and its silly shows, but in such a technological area it's not really like that and so as long as you have a laptop with you then you can get in touch with everyone, work, study, making your own business, and thats simply lovely.

So today I was just checking around and checked my mail cuz I was waiting from an important mail from a Spanish guy who was willing to help me out with something I needed and I got that mail. He was simply nice and kind to me, and we got to talk about "this business" on MSN.
Sounded like we've known each other for years and he was chatting with me in a very nice and cool way and he helped me out sooooo kindly that I was very impressed that there are still such nice people around, especially such nice guys.... he did everything for me almost without wanting anything back, I insisted on paying him for this "business" he helped me out with, but he was simply lovely.

I was very surprised....in a positive way, and for all he did for me I simply have to thank him! Thanks Ferdinando, you made me happy and I'm sure you even helped me making happy someone else as well, even more than I expected I could do just by myself!
It was great...

And thats how you meet nice people in life... just by chance!
Maybe someone walking in the street, maybe on the net, maybe by looking for something you want, maybe by a glance... in any way! And that's beautiful!
And the most important thing is when these nice people we meet stay in our life, for a short season (a hour, a day) or for a long one (a year, all life long) making each of our day better and good, worth living!

And that's how a boring or a useless, or a normal (or a sick) day turns into a very usefull one, putting something positive on your way!

Thanks to all the wonderfull people lighting up my days, day by day, in every little way, by just being there for me or next to me, sharing a moment, or a whole season of life (you know who you are!)



Love you all,

xXx,
Mary

Back home and ill! - Part 2 (pix)

And here's some pictures from Monday and Tuesday!

As I said in the previous post ( http://dreamingmary-livingmylife.blogspot.com/2010/04/back-home-and-ill.html ) I had these two days off with my friends and we did alot of things! I want to share now some pictures as well!

Monday:

we had a nice lunch all together, we were at one of the girls' family house. Thats where pix were taken:

from left to right: Steph, me, Enza (a friend of Chiara who I met there), Chiara, Chris and Fede.

The whole group..... these are the lovely girls I spend about 8 or 9 hours a day with!

And us playing some guitar and singing along (sorry for my silly face! )

Err.... we were pretending a "group album cover photohoot" *lol* we have a pianist, a drummer, a guitarist, a front-girl (lol), two back-vocalists and a groupie! *lmao*

That's us on the beach....it was damn windy and damn cold and I think thats what caused me this bad cold!

I love taking pictures of sunsets... and here's one of them... clouds and sun make it all.... lovely!
(to Steph: doesn't it look a lil bit like "Yellow" beach??? say yes....!)

And Tuesday:

Thats me and my hip... errr, that tattoo is not true, thanking God! *lol* me and Steph were just fooling around and found that fake tattoo-thing for kids and decided to put it on... very sexy *lmao* ...thats what happens when girls get together and enjoy time! hihi ....and I dont even like Hello Kitty!

Me and Steph...some rocks, the sea, the sun going down...

And a lil piece of our lovely and blue sea... the water was veeeery cold, but it was beautiful and calm!

And here's another lovely sunset again..... it always catches me and makes me see how beautiful is the world we live in!

and thats it! Loads of pictures hihihi... I really had a great time!

Back home and ill!

So I had a real great time both on Monday and on Tuesday! My girls are great and we had the time of our life! We had a nice lunch, played some music with guitar, had a good time singing, we played silly stuff and aet chocolate and cakes and we even went down to the beach, tho it was very windy! But we had an ice cream and then got back home, where we played some other music with piano and of course there was our usual singing along! We're pretty good and I'm proud of what we do and how we do it!

Next week we gonna work seriously on some new material and me and Steph were thinking about doing a cover of a famous song as well...still looking for the right one!

On Tuesday I had some lovely time with my "twin", Steph and we just laughed soooo much! We enjoyed our time and we even went to the beach again and had real great moments just watching the, oh so lovely sea, and chatting in that "in-sister way of talking"; we went sleeping at 2:30am and...well this morning we had to get up at 5.45am! We did and the day was loooooooooooooong, but when you're with friends, it gets easier!
I was feeling kind of sick, tho, ill, and from some simple and silly sore throat it came out I had fever... high temperature! and here I am back at my parents' house then laying in bed, shaking from those silly shivers and feeling very tired!
But then I'm still sad tomorrow I'll be home and I won't be able to see my girls!

Another highlight of the day (up till now) is that I received an envelope from a far friend and it was a real surprise! I couldn't figure out what it could be, but when I opened it...........wooooooooooow!!!!! J.Lo's earrings!!!!! They look lovely and it's just what I was looking for! I'm very happy and it was a lovely surprise! I know it's an honest and heartfelt thing! She left me speechless and I really don't know how to thank her......thanks Elena!!!!

My sore throat is killing me and I really can't eat or drink at the moment, altho I'm very thirsty......... eeeew hate it!
Waiting for Steph to give me "something", thats what she says and she didn't explain anything more.... curious curious, and I bet once again it'll take my mind off this stupid cold/flu (whatever it is), cuz I'm sure it comes from heart! So can't wait to see!!!!
And then I'll go straight to bed!

Once again after these kind of "girls' weekend" I find out how much I care for my friend, Stephy and how much we get closer each day in a great and lovely way! Feels good, feels great!

Well, I think that's it by now, but still much to say.....and show!!! So I'm gonna upload soon a blog with some pictures and nice comments! We're aaaaallllll crazy!!!!!!!

Hehe,

goodnight!

xXx
Mary

Easter

Happy Easter everyone!

Here I am for a short blog of the day.

It was a very long one! I got up early this morning to hurry up and doing some things I need to do before leaving to go at my uncle's for lunch (all family was going to have lunch there) and I needed to fix some things for Monday Easter.
It's gonna be crazy with my friends and we gonna have some fun for sure!
Today it was a nice day (up till now). I love my family and we're a lot!!!! So its always messy and loud and there's lotta food and lotta kids around. We ate, chatted, played cards and enjoyed some time!

Now in bit I'm gonna leave to go to my friend, Steph and I'll have a sleepover there. I have everything packed (I had to do everything this morning and since I wont be back home anymore by this week, I had to take everything even for school and so on) and looks like I'm leaving for a looooong vacation....but it's just I'm going at my friend and then later to my uni flat!

Was a good day! And now I'm just writing the all of this while my uncles and aunties are watching me and asking me questions and saying silly things to me *lol* they're making me laugh!
Crazy family!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Now i'm gonna go off! Once again I'm in hurry today...pfff..... I can't wait to relax and rest and enojy some crazy girls' time!!!!!!!!!!!!

April Fool's Day

And here it is: April Fool's Day!

Another month went by and a new one is here, and it begins with this funny thing of Fool's Day! So Happy Fool's Day everyone!

As soon as I opened my eyes this morning I got a text from my best friend, she told me something nice and I was like, "oh really??? That's lovely", but eventually she told me she had just fooled me and I was her first (and maybe only?) victim of this Fool's Day!
I got fooled, yep, can't deny that!

Today holidays have started as well. I can try to take some rest now.
It was a real normal day... but it made me understand once again how much I miss being with my friends, my gals, just having fun, making noise and messing around while having all of those classes!
We always have to work hard and we spend around 8 hours daily just being at university, having classes, listening to those boring teachers, having little time to take a break or do anything else than studying and writing! But at least we're all together and that's the best part out of being a student and having that tight timetable.
I love have them around because we do laugh our heart out and enjoy each other company, so we may get tired but in the end of th e day when I think back of what we said, what we chatted about, what we did, the way we sang all together in the street and played silly games, then it just feels like it was a beautiful day!

And then I have this day off my usual routine and what do I get? That no matter what, I just love being with them and that is waaaaay better to just being at uni aaaaaaaalllll day instead of being home alone doing nothing, but thinking and getting bored!

Thanks to each of you, girls, thanks for always being there for me!
Thanks to Steph, my twin in soul, to Chris for being always that crazy and fun, to Fede for being there for me whenever I need it even by being so quiet, to Chiara for supporting me in all of those crazy ideas coming into my mind!

Who needs all the rest when you have good friends around you? No love, no money, no time... just good friends and you can feel on top of the world! (trust me... it's true!)

Mary,
XxX