I've been sleeping bad -or not sleeping at all-, I've been eating little in some moments and too much in others, I've been crying easily, I've been laughing little, I've been upset, sad, worried, stressed.
I started then to feel a lot of pressure from things that are part of my daily life and part of the things I need to achieve in the upcoming months. Not everything is really going the way I want it and all I need is a little bit of... vacation! Freedom to enjoy the things I like, to do what I love, to do what I want. And I won't be one of those people having nothing to do and complaining, because I perfectly know I've been giving a lot and now I do need to take some time for myself. I realised that being away from pressure and all these things I don't really feel I want to do, makes me a better young woman. Just because actually I'm less stressed and worried in general.
So I thought I need to get over this time to then feel free and maybe travel along with a couple of people I love... I wouldn't mind staying bit here and bit there just to find what fits me and just to taste a bit of that chilling feeling that I cannot really cherish at the moment. But that's something you all know.
The reason I'm writing this now is that actually I realised that all this stress, all this pain, all this angst is just making me act like a real bitch to the people who are very close to me.
My girls are always there for me and lately I feel I'm just not being there for them like I was there for them last few months; though we all know that's a critic moment, I think I should try to take much care of you girls again...
And I even had a huge mess going on with my lovely Steph, could you believe it? We both know that it was because of a massive misunderstanding, but I mean, that all was also part of stress and of freak-out moments! And of not talking.
Lesson Learned No.1 : Communication is one of the most important things ever. I even talk to much, but sometimes the communication just doesn't work. So better focus on the thing we want to express and express it in a few good words.
So my first Sorry goes to the girls and to my lovely moonshine Steph. A girls' day won't make it up, but it'll be a good way to erase bad things and feel more.... "rock and roll", the way we love it.
I had some time to think over and over the last few weeks and even today I realised how bad this attitude is for me, myself and for the things I think, I do, I say... the way I say things, the way I act... and for people around me, once again. And I perfectly know I've been messing things up with my so-cuddly boyfriend, Geertje. All of this stress is just putting me in a moment of "easy snapping"; my quick-temper is coming out more and more on stupid things, and that's a real silly thing to do, especially because I cannot fight with such a sweetie and then I look at him and I feel al bubbly... and that freaky feeling goes away, but still the damage of me talking too much or yelling is done... so....?
So then my Sorry goes out to him. Knowing I'll try my best from this new upcoming week on not to stress. And maybe 10 days of meditation is way too much, but what about just 1 or 2 for us to share? Or I'd be even happy with a relaxing day out with him -yes, with you my Geertje- or just a day off that we can enjoy by relaxing. I know you can help me.
Lesson Learned No.1: Think better before speaking and focus on what's worthy and what's not worthy. And especially, learn when yelling, discussing, arguin, is actually.... needed, and when it's really useless, because it's just causing more stress.
This said... well, I was just a real bitch in some moments... in some others I was only miserable... in some others I was just terrible... and the last 3 panic attacks I had said it all. And my heart beating to a double speed... wow.... I really need to sit back.
So people, if I'm saying Sorry, is just because I truly mean it. So I hope you can understand, still stand beside me, while I'll try my best to get rid of all of this negative energy and be the smiley, sweet person you know.
Thanks y'all for all you do
and I send you much love,
Ros,
xXx
