Sleepy, Bored, and I'm Waiting...

Here I go for a short blog...

I'm pretty sleepy today... and I'm even bored! Being in a room spending time to listen to some boring and useless stuff didn't make it easier and I got even sleepier and lazy...
So here I am now trying to study and translate some school things, but all I can do is...is...nothing basically!

So I took some cookies trying to get some energy, I'm still biting on this lovely choco cookie, but somehow I still don't feel that energy coming... I'll take another one *lol*
It's amazing to see how bored I can get when I perfectly know I have one hundred things to do... so I'll better put my ass into it and work now!

*slaps her own face to wake up*

errr.... Yes, I'm still here... Just thinking... Thinking 'bout what? Thinking bout waiting! It's been like a week that I've been in a "waiting mode" all the time!
Waiting to get better, waiting for my voice to be back, waiting for mail, waiting for things I bought on the Net, waiting for an answer about going to the UK to work there, waiting..............
Thats it. Waiting.
Waiting it's not always bad! It can be a good way to get some pure energy and adrenaline ready to explode when finally a certain moment or thing has arrived, it means to be happier when you finally meet or see someone after long time, it means to take care of your hopes and let all the sorrows out when you finally discover your praying was for good.
On the other side, waiting means to get stressed cuz you're waiting for that fucking answer you want that bad, to put in "stand-by" a whole project cuz there's a missing piece, to just sit and wait till they call your name out, to wait for someone to talk to you cuz you're willing to be there to listen, you're eager to.

Two sides two every story...

And here lays my current mood as well... waiting....today's "waiting-list".... I'm waiting for that mail to get at my house, but looks like it's not and it's killing me; I'm waiting for that answer along with Steph, I'm waiting to get some good energy to start working; I'm waiting to know what to do about this summer; I'm waiting to start off a couple of projects running around my mind... Waiting...: stresses me and enjoys me, puts adrenaline in me, puts me down.

What can I do? nothing... the correct answer I'd give myself by looking in the mirror is...:

Wait!!!



Love,

xXx
Mary

The Importance of Being Idle...

Sunday Evening. I don't like the feeling I get from it... the week's coming up and I already get to think 'bout what I'll have to do, university, teachers, studying, and so on.

Isn't that boring? I think it is for everyone, or at least I know a lot of people who don't like Sundays cuz they already get bothered bout the upcoming week. Well, that's the way it is, we can't help it! The only thing we can do is trying to enjoy the weekend as much as we can, which doesn't mean actually to just go out clubbing or celebrating or anything like that, "enjoying" can simply mean "relax". Resting after a whole week of work is good!

Resting may mean just being home and taking care of our hobbies or maybe means going out for a walk or drive somewhere and have a chat with a friend, or spend some time with people we know.


Usually I spend my weekends just by being home, studying, resting. Tho studying doesn't help resting at all! It usually stresses me and makes me go cranky. BUT I have to do it... it's my "job" somehow and I have to stick to the habit.

But at times it's reall impossible to just stick to this habit. That's what happened this weekend.


After being sick I just had enough of everything and I wanted to rest for real... so on Saturday I thought, "okay, I'm not gonna study today... I'll just be quiet, listen to music and write". It perfectly worked out and I spent Saturday doing nothing! In the evening I went out for dinner and got back home, had some late time online with my friend and then simply went to bed (it was 3AM, darn Internet!!! lol).
Now this morning I thought, "okay, I'll study this afternoon", but things ended up differently than I planned! I woke up and I realised my voice was better, but still I was feeling very lazy!
End of the story... I didn't do anything...at all!!!

What did I realise? Well.......... I understood how important is to be just idle!
...or at least from time to time! Yesterday I spent some time just lying on my bed, legs up against the wall, watching the ceiling, with music playing at a very high volume: me, my thought, my silent singing (no voice to sing out loud!) and some good music, while texting my girl, Steph.
I was totally relaxing, enjoying time, feeling good as in not caring and not worrying for at least half hour! Wow... how nice is that? We should all doin' it! Being idle, lazy, doesn't mean I'm someone who doesn't want to work or do anything or that I just want to avoid doing what I have to do, it just means... well, it mean that I need some good time for myself throwing out all that stress and negative thoughts or stress putting pressure on me!
It feels lovely!!! And for the first time ever I was like... "oh wow, that's good!"

Today I didnt do anything, I didnt even relax or anything, I was totally lazy...that got me bored on a moment... but you know, if you just really make some time to relax, then you won't get bored, I can assure you you'll just feel way better than usual!
So people... just lay on your bed, put some music on and do not think about anything worrying you or giving you the blues; or lean on your room's window, breathe some fresh air, look at the landscape, the city spreading in front of you, the sky, let the wind in, among your air and let your favourite song out; cuddle up on the couch, write, draw, paint, whatever, take your time; go out, go skating, go walking, go biking, go for a stroll and sit in the park, on a bench, taking pictures of what you see, watch people passing by, put your mp3 on and try to give to the music you're listening to, a "video", a story starring people, strangers walking by you................

That's freedom, that's being relaxed, that's enjoying life, that's feeling good in a natural and simple and easy way, with no need of too big things coming up our way or too many "fun things" to do!
....or that's what I believe!

I wish everyone a good week....

Take care

Mary,
xXx

Unvoiced Days and Learning...

Here we are.

Weekend's about beginning! Well, let's say it officially began!
Which means I'm back home (in my hometown) and I'm off from school for at least Sat and Sunday. But it also means I won't be seeing my lovely girls! =(
I always can't wait for Monday to see them again... but that's too early to talk about it now, lets first enjoy (or at least let's try to!) the w/e.

One more day with no voice. Yesterday I was totally voiceless and I took my time to learn to speak with signs and I used a board (courtesy of Stephy... errrrrr, I mean...of her brother!!!) to communicate with others. I found it great somehow, voice in not always needed if others can get wat you mean by just trying to guess, trying to get in "touch" with your mind.
Amazingly in 3 days I learned I can be quiet, tho it's very hard and it stresses me at times, I learned I can enjoy my silence and enjoy others' voices.
I even learned that at times I talk tooooooo much and that may be a little bit tiring for people. As I said I'm talktive, we all know that, but a little bit of self-control may won't hurt, although then I ask myself... better when I was quiet and being kind of on a "off-mode" or better now that I'm totally back on track? I guess the right way is in the middle... but that's what I learned: I don't like being in the middle, I don't like grey shades... I like black or white! I like a not too dark black and a little bit of dirty white... but no grey for me. I'm all or nothing. I'm in or out. I'm talktive or totally quiet.
I totally admire people who can be and are able to be in the middle, they're conscious, they're smart, they're witty, they're intelligent, and they're wise. I suppose I'm just smart enough to follow my instinct. Neither of the two ways may be wrong! I like to think it's just a different way of approcching life and the nicest thing of this all is that eventually both ways lead to the same path, maybe just with different time, roads, and methods, but trust me, you can get wherever you want in any case.

I think I gained some patient as well. That never hurts. Although I know, I mean, I'm sure it won't last!!!!!!!!

I even had the chance to see Steph bringing some pure Sunlight into the day! She almost sounded like me, making such "noise" with all of her words, having ideas, playing it fool for me, to make me smile, trying her best to understand what I wanted to say with no voice, keeping me up in any way she could! I totally appreciated that! She took care of me once again! I was very happy with it, I was kinda surprised as well! Wow! But I totally love that about her! Amazing one, you are!

I also took my "silent time" to create something good as in writing lyrics and totally get inspired. It worked perfectly fine! I'm pretty proud of things I've written in the last 3 days... I think I'm just gettin to another level of creating (not being cocky!), as in I love more and more the way things, ideas come into my way, the way I feel that magic "poke" touching my soul, lighting up and opening up my mind and letting my hand just flow over the blank page filling it with black ink. I love this all!
I love the whole process of creating, putting together, feeling that vibe... works perfectly for me!
And I was really hoping I could get some "collective creative time" with my friends today, but actually my voice ruined it all! I'm sure we gonna get another chance, but I'm just looking forward to it! I'm willing to feel that process and that vibe filling me up while I'm just there working with people I love.
I wish I had a chance to make it in a professional way... When I hear about bands being in studio working on a album, I only wish I had the same chance and opportunity. I dream away thinking one day I will.... cuz, as I said, I totally love the whole "way to art": the climb, the birth of the idea, the making-up, the falling in love with what you're doing and what's coming up from the whole process, the final part of seeing the final product, the other side of the hill where you can finally rest and enjoy what you did thinking: "oh wow, look what I've done... I want to do some more now!". It gets addictive! You can't stop... That's art... That's creating... That's Music... What would I do without it? I got no idea... I'm just happy I can have it in my life, for me and for me to share it with others.

Well... I think after all... 3 days with no voice had their risults: much wise-thinking, much learning about myself and way of doing/seeing things, much learning bout others, much thinking bout how thankfull I am for what I have, much creativity...
Feels good, doesn't it? I think so!

But hey, still, I need that voice back to make "one more step" into the whole creating process!!!

Thanks God for what I have, what I learn daily, the wonderfull people around me and the great friends I have. Thanks for that big gift You gave us, Music!

God bless you all!

Love,

Mary
xXx

Ps. See? Music just puts colors to what I do...comes natural!!!

Unvoiced Day

Well, here I am... looks like the only way to express myself today is writing, I'm totally hoarse in fact.

I got no voice left and all I can do is whispering! I'm usually very talktive and I'm a kind of chatbox, I cant be just quiet for a second or a minute and you can all imagine how it's killing me now!

But it was just one more day to learn something....to learn I can't keep my mouth shout. ut even learned that at times just being still in silence can help thinking and mostly creating, it was a real creative day indeed!

I wrote alot, I took my time to think bout my "artistic projects" and just tried to enjoy the silence tho it was not easy.

I love communicating, and when I can't do that, I just get cranky and I feel something's missing in being in contacts with others, tho actually using body language can make it all and can improve the situation! Signs are more talktive than words at times!...

Sooo...maybe all I have to do is trying to imagine this experience is improving my sign language and improving my body language! I don't think tomorrow I'll get my voice back... so let's stick to the plan and let's just see it this way hoping it'll be a good purpose to go through the day!

Love,

Mary

Words warming up the Heart... My Heart

(this would be a waygreater tattoo compared to Hello Kitty one, lol)

We always try to look for something "far", for something we want to hear, and in our mind we almost "plan" about when we want to hear it. We all know what that is, and we really want it, but my question is... what we want to hear, is it really what we need to hear?

I don't think so! And that's what you find out when you get "unexpected" words, lines, conversations coming up your way.

Everyone of us has a precise idea of oneself, but does that meet up what others think of us? When it does, or when what others think is more than we expect, that's the moment when we should realise our real self has met reality AND/OR that someone can see right through us and can read the way we are in depth, in that part we may try to hide or to show cuz that makes us feel better.

It happened to me...

For a long time I've shown just a part of my true self, the part I thought was better tho show because of people around me or situations, then for another long time I've just kept running from myself and eventually, after a harsh climb I just got to a point where I learned to trust and accept the whole of my being and I've started showing, finally, my WHOLE self. It turned out to be that greatest thing ever and the thing making me feel at my best, I was not (and I'm not still) afraid of shining, or of showing what I'm feeling on a day or on another. Shining... that's what I learned. No matter who you are, no matter how you feel, how you look like, how you react, how you talk, which family you belong, which place you come from, everyone of us can shine and has the right to shine, and gotta shine with no fear! If we get into this habit, into this routine of smiling, which is actually the first step to a "shiner" us, then it will get easier and easier, nicer and nicer.
My experience taught me that its nor hard once you start it off with using a right key and even taught me that others perfectly feel and see that we have a light all around us and that our true self is coming out. They feel the change and they help us to see the change.

This all "intro" (lol sorry, I know I can be sooo boring with loooong speeches!!!) leads me to the point of this blog: when you're able to expose yourself, even for a little time, and maybe with just a person or two, then you can get the best ever when is unexpected and unexpected things are the best things ever.
Lately I've experienced some of the greatest moments and feelings of the last few years, moments and feelings which are sincere, real, true, with unconditional affection and unplanned paths to walk on.

Last night a friend of mine, THE friend of mine, who you all know now as Steph, warmed up my heart (like she's doing more and more often lately) with maybe one of the silliest (at least from an outer view) things ever.
Out of a game, a joke, she spoke the truth, and her truth hit me straight up in the face with something I couldn't expect. She said, somehow, that I can be able to bring "light and warmth in the most grey and cold lives".

Is that for real? Do I?! Such of a simple line shaking up everything in me and warming my heart up (little note: I'm not the only one who can then bring some light and warmth then, huh? ;) you know what I'm saying) opened up my eyes making me think that being myself, showing my sunny side is what shakes people, what helps (maybe) people, what people like bout me, way better than my dark side. Is it? Somehow I guess it is.
A good discovery for myself, but the best and warmest words coming from such an important person.

Pure happiness and positive feelings. That's all I want to let in my life right now and if what I'm getting, goes back to others, then it's even better because it means it has a great power and a good meaning and especially means that this people are close enough to see it, to see me all.

All of this blog may sound like an "ego trip", looks like I'm speaking about myself all the time, thats not the aim, what I'm saying is... once again thanks, thanks for all I'm finding out, thanks to Steph for being that close to me and thanks for being such an amazing "sister" walking side by side with me along this loooooooong path of life, which suddenly feels fun to run.
I never thought I could find this all.

Words, simple words, little actions, that what warms up days and lives. There' s no need to make a great deed to achieve a great result or to touch somebody's heart. It all lies within the less important (apparently) things. What we want can be blown up by a fresh wind and can be replaced by what our inner self, our heart or soul needs, without us even knowing it!

She caught me by surprise and she gave me a beautiful gift. She showed me I changed and learned something, for real.

But in return, I feel I want to give her something as well, she knows it already, cuz I alraedy told her, but I'll make it once again clear and official... a little truth: you can light up people's lives as well. Different ways, different methods, different light, but you do give light.
And even with just your smile you can make others smile, can make others love the wonderful one you are.
Moon & Sun... perfectly describing it once again.
So... all I'm telling you is...:

"Don't be afraid of shining and keep shining on" ...cuz you know you can! (I mean... you're doing it!!!)

...And let's take it off together to new adventures!!!

"Here comes The Sun... do do do do" ;)

Thanks for everything!

Love,

CipCharlie (hihihihihihihihihihi)

Meeting nice people...

And today, even if I spent my day just being in bed, I can say it was a positive day.



When you're ill looks like time goes slow and looks like you cannot do anything but lying there watching tv and its silly shows, but in such a technological area it's not really like that and so as long as you have a laptop with you then you can get in touch with everyone, work, study, making your own business, and thats simply lovely.

So today I was just checking around and checked my mail cuz I was waiting from an important mail from a Spanish guy who was willing to help me out with something I needed and I got that mail. He was simply nice and kind to me, and we got to talk about "this business" on MSN.
Sounded like we've known each other for years and he was chatting with me in a very nice and cool way and he helped me out sooooo kindly that I was very impressed that there are still such nice people around, especially such nice guys.... he did everything for me almost without wanting anything back, I insisted on paying him for this "business" he helped me out with, but he was simply lovely.

I was very surprised....in a positive way, and for all he did for me I simply have to thank him! Thanks Ferdinando, you made me happy and I'm sure you even helped me making happy someone else as well, even more than I expected I could do just by myself!
It was great...

And thats how you meet nice people in life... just by chance!
Maybe someone walking in the street, maybe on the net, maybe by looking for something you want, maybe by a glance... in any way! And that's beautiful!
And the most important thing is when these nice people we meet stay in our life, for a short season (a hour, a day) or for a long one (a year, all life long) making each of our day better and good, worth living!

And that's how a boring or a useless, or a normal (or a sick) day turns into a very usefull one, putting something positive on your way!

Thanks to all the wonderfull people lighting up my days, day by day, in every little way, by just being there for me or next to me, sharing a moment, or a whole season of life (you know who you are!)



Love you all,

xXx,
Mary

Back home and ill! - Part 2 (pix)

And here's some pictures from Monday and Tuesday!

As I said in the previous post ( http://dreamingmary-livingmylife.blogspot.com/2010/04/back-home-and-ill.html ) I had these two days off with my friends and we did alot of things! I want to share now some pictures as well!

Monday:

we had a nice lunch all together, we were at one of the girls' family house. Thats where pix were taken:

from left to right: Steph, me, Enza (a friend of Chiara who I met there), Chiara, Chris and Fede.

The whole group..... these are the lovely girls I spend about 8 or 9 hours a day with!

And us playing some guitar and singing along (sorry for my silly face! )

Err.... we were pretending a "group album cover photohoot" *lol* we have a pianist, a drummer, a guitarist, a front-girl (lol), two back-vocalists and a groupie! *lmao*

That's us on the beach....it was damn windy and damn cold and I think thats what caused me this bad cold!

I love taking pictures of sunsets... and here's one of them... clouds and sun make it all.... lovely!
(to Steph: doesn't it look a lil bit like "Yellow" beach??? say yes....!)

And Tuesday:

Thats me and my hip... errr, that tattoo is not true, thanking God! *lol* me and Steph were just fooling around and found that fake tattoo-thing for kids and decided to put it on... very sexy *lmao* ...thats what happens when girls get together and enjoy time! hihi ....and I dont even like Hello Kitty!

Me and Steph...some rocks, the sea, the sun going down...

And a lil piece of our lovely and blue sea... the water was veeeery cold, but it was beautiful and calm!

And here's another lovely sunset again..... it always catches me and makes me see how beautiful is the world we live in!

and thats it! Loads of pictures hihihi... I really had a great time!